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Wants

by sweet talk

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1.
The eyes on the wall should give the effect of faces looking back at me, but it's not the same. It’s just empty. Here is always empty, these days. Everyone is here this week and everybody's dying, but they're not necessarily related. I don't know what I’m doing, anymore. Just breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe in until I explode.
2.
Postscript 02:02
I remember coming home with you too tired to move. You woke me up. I stayed awake for weeks with just one touch. Remember when we left our impressions on the wet winter's concrete floor? I traced my footprints and yours from your house to mine and my house to yours. We were up all night. It was never too late. It wasn't too little, but just enough. I still love you, but I never wanted to.
3.
Sever 02:11
You all can keep holding your tongues—I’ll cut that fucker's out. Unforgivable denial for unthinkable crimes. "Your hands should be full with all that taking but when you open them there's nothing there". Who are you? Who do you think I am? I am not your friend and I will have revenge.
4.
Dentures 03:50
I’m worried my teeth will start falling out, like the hairs off my head. I’ve been keeping my jaw locked tight with the hope that they will stay in place. I’ve been grinding them together with the hope that they will stay in place long enough for me to rip the flesh from your bones. I will paint the walls of every building I walk into with the blood of the spineless until everyone understands.
5.
Green Shark 01:49
It’s been months since I’ve kissed you, but I still taste you on my lips. It’s been months since you’ve slept here, but I still smell you on my sheets. It’s been months since I’ve seen you, but I’ll never forget your eyes or those stupid faces you make.
6.
Acid Reflux 01:02
I know as soon as I write this down you'll find a way to prove me wrong. Hoping more than knowing. Hope is all I know. Hope, you've let me down before. I hope I never hope again. You were a mountain and fuck, did I fall.
7.
Headaches 02:02
Everywhere I go is the last place I want to be. I know it’s pathetic, but I just want you here with me. And I’m sorry for lingering. I think my nerves are sick of me. My head aches. Everything’s too hard to say. You’re stuck in my throat; words get caught in my head.
8.
Okay 02:59
I miss the way your body contoured perfectly to mine when we lied in bed, or on the floor, back to front on our sides. And the way your hair got caught in my nose ring and the awkward freeze that followed. I thought I felt something that clearly was not there. And now I listen to songs about skylines and strings and Midwestern America like it won’t make me feel worse. Like it won’t keep me dwelling on feelings that were, at best, fleeting. I know where I went wrong. I’m sorry for caring at all. But it’s okay. Not that you asked anyway. I don’t think a little more was too much to ask for.
9.
Growing Down 01:55
Tell me, what do you do with all of your wasted opportunity? Does it sit in a corner of your parents' house? Or do you carry it around with you like a chip on your shoulder? Tell me how it feels to throw yourself away. Tell me what it's like to be so vain. Tell me, what's it like to manufacture pain? Some people just don't get it, but I hope some day you get it. And I hate to say it but I told you so. We both know I told you so.
10.
Nauseant 01:30
I’ve been having trouble sleeping again; I’ve been having bad dreams again: where I’m trapped in a room with my best friends and my worst enemies (those who have wronged and those who have been wronged). Back again. No one seems to notice. No one seems to care…I want to die. I threw him down the stairs; he didn’t bleed. I wrapped my hands around his throat; he still breathes. “Coward!” I screamed, but no one heard.
11.
Neanderthal 01:15
Tasteless jokes leave a sour taste in my mouth. It tastes like shit. Laughable threats of throwing fists? You know, you’d be a lot more funny with your fist in your mouth. You’re never too young to not know better. You’re never too young to be an oppressor.
12.
Damages 01:46
I hope you're rotting away inside your house, hidden safely away from growth or change. I hope you're surrounded by people who will keep you safe from anyone who would tell you that you were wrong. You were wrong and you will never understand what you have done. You will never understand the damage you have done.
13.
Wants 03:17
Your lips, pressed against mine: suck all the air out of my lungs; hollow me. Your lips, pressed against mine: breathe it all back in; make me whole again. I’ve never wanted anything more than everything I want for you.

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this is ice age records release number twenty one

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released August 1, 2014

cover photo by natasha vavere

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