“We went out for some pizza, talking amiably about nothing in particular. It was kind of weird and unsatisfying, like peering at someone through a keyhole instead of looking at them face-to-face-- you do get to check them out and maybe shout a few obligatory remarks about how you're doing fine through the crack underneath the door, but somehow it all feels lonely and makes you all the more aware of the fact that you're in a room by yourself when all is said and done. It was that way this afternoon...
....and it tends to be that way these days, which in my moments of most extreme lucidity I conjecture may be contributing to that debilitating sense of dread that's burrowed itself into the back of my head- you know the one I'm talking about? It's like that feeling you get when you've had a car wreck or a relative die on some really horrible night, and after all the trauma you finally get to sleep, only to wake up after a dreamless night to the sunlight pouring in to your window and the sound of sparrows twirbling in the arrival of a new day. "Ah, what a nice morning, so peaceful and full of promise," you think contentedly. "Wait, though. Wasn't there something really crappy I had to contend with....? There's something in the back of my mind, just sort of sub-consciously making me uneasy. Hmmm..." And then the next moment it all floods back, and you realize just how much this day and all days hereafter will blow. It's that moment of vague uneasiness I'm talking about, that second or two of consciousness before all the trauma of your life punches in for its day-shift, when the office is still uncluttered. I live within that second or two, it stretches out indefinitely, I've taken up permanent residence, I've applied for citizenship and I'm learning the national anthem by heart so I can lead the crowd at baseball games.”
- Al Burian, “Burn Collector 4”
released October 25, 2014
Bass on "Grey Sea" performed by Harrison Hickok. "Grey Sea" originally by Gumbi.